Are you a self-loving person?

By Rania Sa’adi 
Licensed Rapid Transformational Therapist and Clinical Hypnotherapist

“Love yourself” is becoming more and more of a cliché that we keep on hearing. Yet, no one really knows what it means and I get asked about it a lot! So here goes… 

Contrary to the common understanding, “Love yourself” doesn’t mean to be self-centred. It simply means, to put yourself first and to take care of yourself. In this manner, you will be able to take care of others.

The Carer

Some people adopt early on the role of “Carer” in their lives. The person who usually tends to be a people-pleaser and who puts everyone’s needs before hers or his. In any relationship, the Carer ends up giving so much more than what is received from the other person. 

The Carer quickly becomes drained, is constantly tired, and exhausted both physically and mentally. Carers find it difficult to ask for help, always complaining about how they are always attending to others’ needs, yet no one does the same for them. 

Value and worth

And this is where “Loving yourself” begins to make sense because it simply means to give value and worth to yourself and stop waiting for others to give it to you. Increasing one’s self-esteem, starts with the positive words you tell yourself every day. 

“I am good enough, just the way I am” is a start. The mind learns by repetition and the more you say it to yourself, the more it becomes real. You immediately feel better, act better, and consequently get better results in your life. 

So next time you look at yourself in the mirror, notice what you say to yourself. Do you say kind words, or do you put yourself down? If you do put yourself down, then ask yourself another question, do you talk to a friend or a small child in that same manner? The answer is probably “No”. So why would you talk to yourself in that way?

Loving yourself

Loving yourself means appreciating yourself and taking care of yourself so that you can take care of others. How can you love and care for someone if you don’t have it yourself? Everything starts with you. 

So, ask yourself again, do you eat well? Drink enough water? Exercise and walk in nature? Do you allocate some time for yourself to do something you love? 

Loving yourself also means knowing to what extent you allow people to disrespect, criticise you or put you down. It means knowing how to respond to these situations. Most people respond in two ways: 

• Passively: Internalising everything and not expressing oneself, so that the other person is not hurt.

• Aggressively: Expressing oneself in an aggressive way, without considering the other person’s feelings

A self-loving, self-respecting person will do neither this nor that. The right way to respond is by responding assertively. Knowing your rights and obligations towards the other person is key. And from this comes the right response.

Finally, ask yourself one more time, are you the type of person who keeps apologising to people? “Carers” often believe that it is their responsibility to make it better for everyone around them. And this is what we call “mission impossible”. So, when they fail, they feel guilty and start apologising again.

Reprinted with permission from Family Flavours magazine