Confident is beautiful

I just watched the movie I Am Pretty at the cinema in Amman. I walked out of it feeling determined to live life out of a confident soul instead of constantly letting my size and looks determine how I feel.

If you have not seen this movie yet, I recommend you watch it. It will open your eyes to all the ways we set ourselves up for success or failure simply based on how confident we feel about ourselves. Our feelings of selfworth affect our internal dialogue and how we present ourselves to the world around us.

Confident is beautiful

Whether we are a size two or a size 20, it’s not the number that defines us or adds to our value as human beings. Once we see ourselves from that lens then we are freed from the shackles of cultural norms that dictate what beauty should look like. What this movie proves is that confidence is beautiful. When I feel confident, I tend to make better choices. Self-confidence means I can connect with my passions on a deeper level instead of wasting time berating myself for eating the wrong food or messing up. When my confidence is high, I am able to recover much quicker when I make poor food choices. This is the key to living a healthy lifestyle that will last us for the remainder of our lives.

Cultivating confidence

Just like you would train for a marathon by running a few kilogrammes every day, you can train yourself to boost your confidence and rewire your brain to be kinder and more compassionate towards yourself. This is a lot harder than it really is because our brains have been hard-wired for so many years by our negative thinking. When we look in the mirror, how often do we focus on the beautiful things about us instead of looking at the things that we wish we could change? Have you ever thought what it might do to your life as a desperate dieter if you started focusing on the things you like about your body? Listen to what you tell yourself when you look into that mirror, to that inner dialogue. When you focus on the negative it becomes your obsession; it draws you deeper into that endless pit of toxic self-loathing that does nothing, but lower your self-esteem instead of empowering you to live the life God intended for you.

Disillusioned confidence

Many mistakenly believe that their value and self-worth are directly tied to that number on the scale and to those digits printed on that label sewn on the inside of their clothes. We have been raised in a society that makes us feel confident only when we are the right size, the right weight, wearing the right clothes, the right make up and being seen with the right people in the right places. Then, and only then, we might feel confident enough to matter. This kind of disillusioned confidence is dangerous because it is short lived. Beauty fades, size changes, people come and go and you find yourself trying to build another fantasy made up of a new illusion of pretending that you have got it all together when deep down in your soul you’re in fact just crumbling to pieces because you forgot who you really are. You have lost your true identity trying to be someone you are not because of this crazy rat race everyone is trying to run to be something they are not. There is more to us than the size of our clothes and the food we eat. 

Being you

Perhaps the most mature thing and most compassionate gift we can give ourselves is to just be ourselves. Here are some suggestions:

• Maybe we can make a truce with our poor bodies that have grown so tired of trying to squeeze into those skinny jeans

• Maybe we can actually start taking a breath, instead of holding our breath in, as we try to zip up those trousers we bought that are three sizes too small, thinking that we can lose 10 kilogrammes in a month!

• Maybe we can start being confident enough to wear our real size and not think twice about what that number says on our tags

• Maybe we can begin to understand that there is no such thing as “One Size Fits All” like the industry keeps pushing on us. We are all different shapes and sizes and that is what makes us all unique and beautiful

• Maybe we could focus on something else and discover that our obsession with food and weight is actually causing us to eat more since that is all that is on our minds

• Maybe if we trust ourselves enough, we could surprise ourselves and learn that we are mature enough to handle failure because that is not the worst thing that can happen to us. The worst thing would be to lose confidence in ourselves. The worst thing would be to lose touch with our beautiful soul and not recognise who we are anymore

Let us hold our heads up high and be confident in who God created us to be: beautiful, intelligent, vibrant, resourceful, creative, unique, courageous individuals who bring joy into the world we live in. Let our goal each morning be to do our best at being ourselves. Be the best you that you can be and walk confidently as you feel empowered to make the changes that you want to make and not what society imposes on you. Let us live fully and unashamedly and trust me, once you do that, taking better care of your body will come naturally because when you love your body, it will love you back!

Reprinted with permission from Family Flavours magazine